It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize