saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
