he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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