My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
