I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize