I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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