Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
