just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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