I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
