oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
