I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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