im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
