C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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