If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
