who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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