No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
is wine microwaveable?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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