I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
