$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize