Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
