Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
