Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
