I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
