i just had sex bonerless
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
