I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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