i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize