she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
