Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize