Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
