Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Farmville is her only friend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
