allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
