1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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