We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
