I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
