I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
