Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
love makes seman taste better
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
