guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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