She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
