Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
