She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
