What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
