stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
