I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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