I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
