your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
