so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
