I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize