My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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