I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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