I look better un-naked...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
