he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
