he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
