why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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