dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
