Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Randomize
