I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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