there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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