Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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