bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
