You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
