You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
