I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
