3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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