no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
