Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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