i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We don't watch enough power rangers
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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