No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
